I'm gonna have a badass scar
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
