So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
