Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
