2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
