he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
