I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
