I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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