break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
