laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
