Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize