Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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