Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
