Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
