I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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