Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize