Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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