today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
