Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
