Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
