You really coming over, don't trick.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
