Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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