something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
