Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
