you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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