Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
