Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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