Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
