Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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