i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
