I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
