so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
