I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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