I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.