my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.