You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I will die if light touches me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dicks are not precious.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
