I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize