So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
