The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
