my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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