overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
