Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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