There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just puked most of my soul out..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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