Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
