I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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