I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
