Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My liver just had a heart attack.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
