Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
