In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
