Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
