i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
