so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
