She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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