She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
