I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
