The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
