Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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