Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
