John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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