just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
