batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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