You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
