okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
