I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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