bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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