You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
