A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
