she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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