Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
