I wanna bring you to show and tell
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
