I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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