I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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