I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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