I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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