I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
