I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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