My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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