I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
