My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
