my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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