I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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