Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
